Two under two.

There are 2 tones that I would hear a lot when I would tell people that I had 2 children under the age of 2. There’s the “damn girl, haven’t you heard of birth control” tone, and then there’s the “oh honey, let me pour you another drink” tone. This is because, at least in my case, having 2 under 2 means having 2 children in diapers, 2 children that are still nursing, 2 children that need to be held and snuggled to fall asleep, 2 children that wake up throughout the night, 2 children that would rather be carried than walk. And I’ll admit, it’s exhausting. But having 2 under 2 is so much more than that.

Growing up, my step brother was 1 month older than me, and my step sister 16 months older. And it was awesome. We were thick as thieves. We would put on plays and puppet shows for our parents together. We would have “garage sales” where we would go to each other’s rooms and buy each other’s junk with nickels and dimes. In elementary school, my sister would sing me to sleep and in high school she would yell at me for taking her clothes. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Zack and I always knew that we wanted a sibling for Addison that was close in age. Elliette was born 3 weeks before Addison turned 2, and we could not have planned it any better. 

When I found out we were having a second girl, my mind started running wild planning the shared birthday parties, dance classes they could take together, and how to decorate a little girls’ room for them to share.  But having 2 girls less than 2 years apart is so much more than that too.

As excited as I was, there were times when I would worry. I loved addison so much, how could I ever possibly love anything in this world as much as I loved her? I worried that I wouldn’t have enough time and attention for both her and Elliette. I worried that I was forcing her to grow up too fast, and that she wouldn’t be my baby anymore.

 I remember looking at Addison sleeping the night before I went into labor, and thinking about how small she was. She was my little baby. I couldn’t imagine bringing home a human smaller than her. 

Two nights after than, we welcomed our 7lb 9oz Elliette Poppy into the world. Addison was in awe. “piggies!!” Was Addison’s first reaction to her baby sister, when she realized that her baby sister came with baby toes! It was then that I started to realize how grown my toddler was. Her little fingers and little toes were much bigger than the 10 little fingers and 10 little toes I had counted over and over in the hospital, almost 2 years before.

  
In the 4 months since then, I’ve realized that having 2 under 2 isn’t about the shared birthday parties or dance classes. It’s about your toddler sharing her princess dresses with her baby sister. The same dresses she will wear for 48 hours straight and still freak out if you even think about taking it off of her. It’s about the mornings when the first thing out of Addison’s mouth is “baby sister!” and telling her “baby sister is sleeping honey” and yet somehow, 3 minutes later Ellie is awake because Addison wanted to give her a gentle kiss. It’s about watching them nap together and having to wipe away tears because there is literally nothing in this world more heart warming than the love that the two of them have for each other. And in those moments, I laugh at myself for ever worrying that I wouldn’t have enough love for the two of them. Because in those moments I know that the love I had for Addison didn’t shrink, but my heart grew when I became the mother of 2 under 2.